Encouragement vs. Praise:

Why the Difference Matters

When it comes to raising confident and capable kids, the words we use matter. Many of us grew up hearing “I’m so proud of you!” or “Good job!”—and while praise feels positive, there’s another approach that can help children develop long-term confidence and self-reliance: encouragement.

Praise vs. Encouragement

Praise invites children to look outward for approval. It can feel good in the moment but may teach kids to depend on others for validation.
Encouragement invites children to look inward. It helps them notice their own effort, problem-solving, and growth—building self-confidence that lasts.

Examples:

Praise: “I’m so proud of you. Here’s a sticker.”
Encouragement: “You worked hard. You must be proud of yourself.”
Praise: “You’re such a good kid.”
Encouragement: “Thank you for helping. That was thoughtful.”

Why Encouragement Matters

Encouragement is a core part of Positive Discipline, a parenting approach developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott. Rooted in Adlerian psychology, Positive Discipline emphasizes trust, kindness, and mutual respect. Instead of focusing on rewards and punishments, it guides children to become respectful, responsible, and resourceful human beings.

An Activity to Try

If we were in a parenting class together, I’d ask for two volunteers to role-play as children. One would hear a set of praise statements, the other encouragement. Afterwards, we’d reflect together:

What did each child feel?
What did they think about themselves?
What did they decide moving forward?

Often, we find that praise feels good—but temporary. Encouragement feels empowering, as though the child’s worth and effort come from within.

Examples of Praise Statements:

“All A’s! You get a big reward.”
“I’m glad you listened to me.”
“You did it just like I told you.”

Examples of Encouraging Statements:

“You worked hard!”
“How do you feel about it?”
“You figured it out for yourself.”
“I trust your judgment.”

Finding the Balance

It’s important to remember: praise is not “bad.” It’s okay to praise your child! The key is balance—adding encouraging statements into your daily interactions. This helps children build self-reliance instead of relying only on outside approval.

A little encouragement sprinkled throughout the day can go a long way in helping your child grow into a confident, capable, and self-motivated adult.